Momentum..Despite the Ruffled Feathers and Broken Heart


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A little boy died today and I thought about his death and the pain the family must be experiencing and, well, my ramblings about living connected and living wholoctavely, didn’t seem so important anymore. I worked my usual job, but I didn’t write when my time was my own. Instead, I continued to think about death and life and priorities. I let myself slide and lose momentum.

My husband drove by two geese in the road last week. He was awestruck by the dedication they exhibited, standing like statues in the busy road. They ignored all traffic as their flying buddy, their spouse, their brother, who knows what the relationship(s) were exactly, but that of a fellow goose struggling to finish it’s dying breath smooshed against a busy asphalt road after being struck by a vehicle. They stayed loyal and connected to their pal. I was relieved I wasn’t there to witness it for I too saw a seagull vigil once. His feet were planted firmly on the yellow line of I-95. His body was swaying, his feathers were ruffling wildly in the swift breezes as cars sped past at 80 mph. He wavered, but never his eyes. His lifelong sweetheart was dead in the road, flattened beyond hope. He knew it, but he wouldn’t leave. His life was no longer important. He lost his momentum and he stared and he swayed. My heart ached so badly for that one seagull, that when I arrived at my destination, which happened to be a polish festival, of all things, I couldn’t bare to hear the accordions, or smell the kielbasa and kraut. The laughter and colorful dresses and all the gaiety seemed so wrong to me. How could people be celebrating when there’s pain in the world?

There’s a website: http://www.romans322.com/daily-death-rate-statistics.php

This website posts real time deaths in America and the cause of each death: abortion, heart disease, cancer, tobacco, obesity, medical errors, stroke, lower respiratory disease, accident, hospital associated infection, alcohol, alzheimer’s disease, influenza/pneumonia, kidney failure, blood infection, suicide, drunk driving, unintentional poisoning, drug abuse, homicide, prescription drug overdose, murder by gun, texting while driving, pedestrian, drowning, fire related, malnutrition, domestic violence, smoking in bed, falling out of bed, killed by a falling tree, struck by lightning, mass shooting and spontaneous combustion. I am busy writing so I didn’t watch the deaths flash each time they were posted, but in the short time it has taken me to write this post, I have seen suicide flash twice and abortion flash too many times to count. This is enough to ruffle anyone’s feathers and let them slide and lose momentum.

So yes, the little boy died today, along with others, many others in various towns, states, countries and from various causes.  More will die locally and worldwide before I even publish this post, and more will die while I sleep tonight.  Eventually it will be my time to die as well. But for those whose time has not yet come, mourn and grieve and remember those that have left us, but remember to also live and to cherish the memories and to value what you experience and what you know in your heart.

Remember to write and keep your momentum, despite the ruffled feathers and glazed over stare that inevitably haunts us for various reasons in various locations and at various times of our lives.

What Do You do When It Rains?


What Do You do When It Rains?

Yes..it’s raining.
Yes..I can’t see very well.
No..I’m not worried, or scared or inclined to stop.
I am safe and dry and no longer where I was.
I am not yet where I am going.
I’m here.
That is all that matters.
It is raining.
Yes.
Whether it be tears of pain, showers to cleanse, or fears of the unknown…
Know this…
You are loved
All will be well…
Keep going.

The Strength of Gentleness is in Your Word Choice.


The Strength of Gentleness is in Your Word Choice.

Yes, I witnessed the power of my own thoughts and words last year when I embraced “COLOR” as my theme…passion and color manifested in more ways than I ever imagined. I became alive again and won’t go into detail because some of it was naughty, but it was fun…and this year my theme to “TRAVEL LIGHT” has opened up so many changes.

I thought I was going to just unload some bags of clutter to the garbage and/or thrift shop..but no..the Universe/God had bigger plans for me and you too if you just ask. Just four months into this new theme I discover my son is packing to move out on his own, my husband is unexpectedly being transferred out of town (starting next month) and my nest is going to be quite empty and yet it’s complicated because we’re in the middle of a (DIY) whole house remodel so putting the house on the market is not so easy when electrical is still not done and walls need to be put back together and there’s no money to hire people to do it NOW. Then there’s the issue of the other house…the house in the mountains that needs to be rented because the mortgage is sucking us dry. Perhaps the furniture can go there and become a VACATION RENTAL… or do we sell that too and really travel light? How do I get rid of a lifetime of memories, collectibles, art, books and just stuff that doesn’t belong in a “public” rental home? Travel lighter? I got what I wished for..my gentle words expanded into a massive spring cleaning of my entire existence…it’s time to find my inner truth..my real inner core of purpose..I’m not here to babysit things and dust over knick knacks…I’m here to share, connect, laugh, explore: live.

Yes..I’m here to travel light..so I must be brave and learn to say goodbye and to let go..for some things are just too heavy to hold onto…

Hey, what if…?


Hey, what if...?

Three boys had shoulder length hair and liked it. One boy needed a haircut. They decided to borrow dad’s clippers. Boy #1 ends up bald and scared. They decide to cut hair on boy #2 and they do a better job but it’s very short and a bit “patchy”. They look at boy #3, who says “no way” but ends up joining in and sacrificing his head and ends up with short hair (but not so bald) since they now discover there are different blades for the clippers.

All three boys end up spending the night together, mainly because they were afraid to go home, but they have a great time. Yes, they are surprised at how nice and easy it is to have short hair.

Can we learn from this? Hell yes!

Sometimes, you just have to do it…don’t be afraid…and yes..do a little bit of research before you start so you can utilize all the tools…and most important of all…nothing ever lasts..so if you’re not happy..it’s just a matter of time and new ideas will come… now go ask yourself… “what if…?”

Winter Cleanses the Palate for What’s to Come


After my divorce I needed to cleanse my palate.  I needed to reflect on my life.  I needed the calmness and serene surroundings of a cold, cold winter. I lived in Southern Florida.  So I found an all white apartment.  I had white sheets, white towels, white rugs and I hunkered down for a long winter’s nap. As spring was about to emerge, I felt the urge for color. I felt ready to start fresh.  But I was not wanting the predictable pastels of spring. I craved black and bold colors. I found a material that was like a crayon resist drawing from elementary school days.  The material was solid black except for the bright colors of scribble that popped through.  It sounds horrid now, as I describe it..but it was the perfect flavor, the perfect smell, the perfect vision upon my awakening.  My sofa was promptly upholstered in that material and spring was officially sprung.  Hibernation was over. I began exploring again. I began hunting for love again.  And ultimately married again.  I realized I didn’t need to feel shame. Life has cycles and all living things must come to an end.  I am not in control of the cycles.  I am in charge of my own life and that is all. As I look around now, many years later and living in Ohio…I see and feel the real chill of winter white and grays in my life and yet I feel the symbolic winter as well.  I wonder where and how my spring will burst forth.  Which direction will my career go? Which path will I forge ahead on? So many choices and yet I remind myself, I am only in charge of my life, not the weather not the job market.  So perhaps I’m looking too soon.  Perhaps I should stay inside where it’s warm. Perhaps I have just been awakened by a restless dream and perhaps this hibernation is not over yet.  Spring will come with colors and choices.  For now, I must see the beauty of the grays and whites…and perhaps sleep a bit more.

Freedom


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Freedom comes and goes; minute by minute, hour by hour, in larger chunks, years perhaps and sometimes in only a nanosecond. What do you do in your moment(s) of freedom?  It’s your choice and your choice alone…that’s why it’s called freedom.  Are you proud of your choices? Why or Why not? Now choose to do something you’re proud of and see if that makes your freedom even sweeter.
 
 

Nursing Home


Nursing Home

He wants to die in his home. Yet he’s been dying for over a year now….I won’t let Hospice move him despite the dangers of him living alone and so ill. My visit is brief but living 500 miles away and trying to work and raise a family, the last six visits in the last six months is all my old car and old body can handle…after four visits earlier in the year. He is weaker than ever and head tilts down for the first time ever…”should I go to a facility?” he asks. “If you want to,” I reply. “But here’s the thing dad, you say you want to die at home..if you go to a facility, you might die there because I have to go and the boys don’t arrive until next month” I knew my brothers were coming..but not for weeks yet…he doesn’t look like he has weeks left..but I must return to work, family, bills and car pools. “I’m sorry I have to go dad.” My car has 150,000 miles on it and my pockets are empty for a new one..I should stay..but I go. I think he might die during the night. On the drive home I discover he wants to go into a facility…I call Hospice and while they pushed just earlier in the day to move him, now back pedal and say “it takes time and paperwork”. “He doesn’t have time and he wants to go now, can you get him to the hospital tonight?” And so there he is, alone in a strange bed. Now we’ve found an available bed in the very place he didn’t want to go, a nursing home, while on hospice. A man who served in the Navy during the Korean War, worked hard all his life, raising four children, got cheated out of his inheritance by his sister and stayed married to his one and only wife for 49 years and eleven months..until she finally got the courage to divorce him for all his drinking and womanizing ways. She is ill too, living across town…angry he is getting all the attention, yet sorry to see him suffer so. They would have celebrated 62 years of marriage this year if…if she could have tolerated his ways just a little bit more. She could not. He was just flirting with nurses earlier this year but now the spark is gone. His flame is low and I pray and hope my brothers get there in time to bring him home to die. He doesn’t have or want anything anymore, except his wish to die at home.

Scattered


With so much information coming at us with lightening speed…we can only absorb for so long before we become scattered.  We select and choose who to follow, watch, listen or friend….which narrows our sources and then we become trapped in a feed of repeated garbage.  On top of that, “to do” lists are always hovering and sometimes haunting. Yet, unplugging takes you out of the current of humanity. When selling a book or building a business, you have strategies to guide you. But how do you stay focused if you’re at a crossroads in your life and not sure which path you’re going to create for yourself? Retreating far away from everything will give you the solitude to think but will you really know how and where to jump back in again?   If you find yourself getting scattered, chances are you are thinking too big…too far….too much….

Be realistic and stay in the moment and prioritize what needs to happen now…and then do it immediately…then make the next decision and complete that task…when you have the rhythm down and you are successfully completing your tasks without getting scattered or distracted…your thoughts and goals can move beyond now and into later…when later goals are achieved successfully…you are then fully prepared to aim for long term goals without losing momentum in the present. Scatter be gone.

Decluttering


Our lives are cluttered with more than just things.  We have responsibilities, “to do” lists, broken promises, abandoned dreams and broken hearts.  Our souls are getting buried beneath the crap of life.  By decluttering all this baggage, we can travel light.  We can live to enjoy the present.  We must not abandon responsibilities and loved ones, but we can delegate, prioritize and simplify.  Consciously identify needs from wants and don’t try to do everything all by yourself…or you’ll just end up all by yourself.

Travel well today, travel light.

Let your soul sing with the beauty of the present moment.