All weekend I felt the blues slipping in. I was restless, yet lethargic. I felt the slide into the dark hole starting, wanting to open itself up to me. I resisted, yet I was ever aware that I must avoid the slide. One wrong step and down I’d go.
I doubled my dose of Sam-e this morning, walked my dog a little longer and increased the weights with my arm routine. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s enough to pull me back from that slippery edge, the one that presents itself each fall as I somehow, someway in the beauty of crisp air and falling leaves manage to feel melancholy and depression while others smile in glee of the brisk and happy accession of new arrivals such as school schedules, new clothes, parties, holidays, sporting lineups & cool weather recipes. I see all that too, but all I FEEL is sadness for the dying leaves, the memory of loved ones and the homeless.
The homeless are gauging how much longer they can stay on the streets before trudging to a dirty cot in a crowded room filled with coughing, snores and smells. I too feel winter showing her edges…sharp, cold edges disguised as a beautiful fall. But I’m not blind. I see she’s there, waiting to cut me down. So I reinforce my shield today. I eat less. I eat healthier. I exercise. I go to work. I keep busy. I clean clutter. I make lists. I prepare.
Most importantly, I write.
wholoctave 